


Meddling in the Affairs of Gods for Fun and Profit

by Hello_Spikey



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-07
Updated: 2013-11-07
Packaged: 2019-10-20 22:18:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17630732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hello_Spikey/pseuds/Hello_Spikey
Summary: Spike and Illyria seek God-level relationship counseling.





	Meddling in the Affairs of Gods for Fun and Profit

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Glassdarkly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glassdarkly/gifts).



> Okay, I have to apologize for how late this short little piece is. The truth is, I got massively blocked on how to end the thing! Finally, I just sort of, well, ended it. *blush* This is for **shapinglight** who requested some Spillyria. I hope you enjoy it, darling!

Spike frowned at the relationship counselor’s ‘office’. An unending stream of rose petals fluttered across the wide archways, caught in a gentle breeze that tickled unseen chimes. The setting sun played water-like on the marble floor, also petal-strewn.

Well, Willow had said this was their best bet. “Hello?”

A head crowned with ringlets rose from a velvet fainting couch. “Well, hell-o there!” The counselor, Spike could only presume. He was a fit young man with a golden tan and a skimpy toga, and he was giving Spike a lascivious once-over.

“I’m Spike. We had an appointment?”

“If we didn’t, we certainly do now.” The golden youth rose lightly from his couch and extended a hand. “I’m Eros. Traditionally, I meet with couples, but if you’re all on your own, I can assist with self-love, too.”

Spike wasn’t too sure he wanted to touch the outstretched hand. Lord knew where it’d been. “Blue!” he shouted, testily, and looked over his shoulder. “Come on, no shirking!”

There was no sound, no disturbance of air, as Illyria appeared. She looked even less impressed with the romantic décor than Spike had been. “I will countenance this charade for one hour,” she said.

“Hello!” Eros licked his lips, eyes traveling up and down Illyria. Spike suspected Eros greeted all his clients with the same unrepressed desire.

Eros said, “I can tell one half of this couple isn’t thrilled to be here, what’s your story, Blue?”

“I am Illyria, God-King of the Primordium. You will not address me by any other name.”

“Of course.” Eros didn’t look the slightest bit put-out. “Tell me what brings you here, Illyria.”

“My pet threatened to withhold pleasurable service. Greater beings have died for such an insult.” Illyria stared out one of the archways – each showed a blandly idyllic panorama at sunset. “However, I have grown fond of my pet and will indulge him. To a point.”

Eros gave Spike a disapproving pout. “Withholding sex wounds me. I mean that literally; sexual energies are a source of my power.”

“Fancy that,” Spike said.

“But I know you must have a good reason, because just LOOK at you two!”

Spike preened. “Yeah, we’re hot all right.” Maybe this Eros bloke wasn’t so bad. There were a pair of red velvet couches, and Spike sat down on one, legs wide. “Let’s get to the point, then. First order of business – she calls me her pet – and not in a cute nickname way. She snaps her fingers and expects me to fetch.” Spike pulled down his shirt, exposing a silver band set with lapis at the base of his throat. “She’s got me wearing a damned collar, for Christ’s sake. I mean, the sex is phenomenal, but I’ve got my pride, here.”

Eros turned to Illyria, who continued to contemplate the far distance. “And what’s your side of the argument, gorgeous?”

“I am a god-king of the primordium. He is a half-breed of lesser spawn. I have deigned make him my pet and he should be grateful.”

“You see what I’m dealing with,” Spike said. “I’ve been bloody patient, but enough is enough. She stashed me in a damned holding dimension for a month. No explanation, no bloody food! If I were a dog, I’d call the SPCA. Or, well, someone would.” He cleared his throat.

Eros chewed his plump pink lip. “This is a toughie,” he admitted. “I can see why you came to me. We gods can be a bit snobbish.” Eros sat across from Spike, one ankle resting on the opposite knee, and his short skirt wasn’t enough to hide the fact that he was hung like… well, a sex god. Spike struggled to keep his eyes on the cherubic face. Eros winked at him. “Tell me, what about Illyria do you love? Besides the sex. For now.”

Spike laced his fingers together and blinked. “Well, uh, she’s brilliantly honest. And she loves violence as much as I do.”

“Do you hear that, Illyria? Tell me what you enjoy about Spike?”

“He makes amusing noises when I hit him,” Illyria said.

“Come now, there must be more than that.”

Spike said, “She loves it when I nibble on all her bluest bits.” He grinned open-mouthed. “Carpet matches the drapes, you know. She’s a natural blue.”

Illyria turned away from the window for the first time. Her eyes flashed. “He is insolent.”

“You like that I’m insolent.”

A tiny flicker of a smile graced the corner of Illyria’s lips.

“EH?” Spike pointed. “Told you.”

Illyria turned back to the window. “Your insolence makes it more pleasing to beat you.”

“I think what would help here,” Eros said, “would be a gesture of affection.”

Spike and Illyria gave him matching aghast looks. Eros shrugged. “It's something I do with most of my clients. You need to remember how you feel about each other – why you care enough to be here. So, Spike, Illyria – please come stand here, with me.”

Spike groaned, but he got up and stood next to Eros.

Eros looked at Illyria. “Please? One god to another. This won't hurt a bit.”

Even more grudgingly, Illyria approached. “What empty gesture am I to do?”

“Just something to show Spike how you feel about him.”

Illyria studied Spike with a raised eyebrow. Spike approached her, arms wide. “Come on, Blue.” He puckered up.

Her punch sent him into the rose petal-strewn fainting couch. A flock of startled doves flew past one of the open windows.

“Okay,” Eros said, “Not quite what I had in mind.”

Spike crawled over the upset furnishings. “No, that's pretty much her love-tap.” He wiped blood from his lip and licked it off his hand. “If she wanted to hurt me, I'd have fallen straight through your fake backdrop.”

“That's a real vista. This pocket dimension goes for miles,” Eros said, a little petulantly. “I can see you are going to need more guided instruction than most couples. Spike, Illyria, take each other's hands, please, and look in each other's eyes.”

“I don't see why he can't be content with his place as my pet without these meaningless intimacies,” Illyria said.

“Everyone wonders why their lover wants something more or something different from what we want to give them, but it doesn't change the fact that they simply do. You won't talk Spike out of his needs, Illyria. You can only learn what they are, and decide what you are willing to do to keep him.”

“I am willing to lock him in a dimension only I have access to,” Illyria said. “I'm willing to keep him chained to my throne for eternity.”

“Oh, pet,” Spike said, “you care.” With a sad smile, he held out his hands.

Illyria sighed and took them. “I don't understand the importance you lesser creatures place on the eyes. I see nothing but my shell reflected in them.”

“'S more than I see,” Spike said with a wink.

Eros put a hand on each of their shoulders. “Now, Illyria, look at Spike. You care about him enough to come here, to endure the indignity of a counseling session, because you don’t want to lose him, do you?”

Illyria’s gaze moved to just above Spike’s head. “I could lock him in a pocket dimension for all time and keep him easily.”

Eros squeezed Spike’s shoulder as he tensed. Spike felt a calm warmth spread through his torso that he thought ought to worry him, if he weren’t so calm.

“Now now,” Eros said, “You had him in a holding dimension, but you didn’t keep him there, did you?”

“My ability to rip holes in the fabric of space has weakened,” Illyria said, stiffly.

“That’s not it, and you know it.” Eros rubbed her back. Illyria unstiffened a bit, her eyes falling once again on Spike’s face. “You knew he wouldn’t like it.”

“He is more annoying when displeased.”

Eros leaned close to Illyria, resting his forehead on her shoulder. “Why did you put him in there in the first place, honey?” Eros’ other hand drew Spike closer.

Illyria huffed, which was far less than Spike expected her to do with a stranger expressing such familiarity. “He was in danger of ending his existence. I did not intend for time to travel swiftly in the pocket dimension. It should have been stilled. As I said, my powers have weakened. It displeases me to be made to repeat this.”

Eros’ eyes were wet with emotion as he looked at Spike. “Poor darling. Pride’s everything to a god, but she’s putting it on the line for you. She just wanted you safe.”

“I don’t need to be made safe,” Spike said. It came off more gently than he intended. He really was feeling warm and… happy. Eros’ hand felt good rubbing circles into his back, drawing him closer.

“Here that, Illyria? Pride. You two have so much in common.” Eros turned to Spike. They were now all touching, chest to chests. “Now, Spike, you care for Illyria, too, don’t you? You don’t want to lose her?”

“Well yeah,” Spike shrugged. “Plus she’ll kill me if we break up.”

“Now, Spike…”

“No,” Illyria interrupted. “This is true. I would end his existence rather than see him with another.”

Eros coughed. “Well, moving along from that.” His thigh lifted, rubbing deliciously over Spike’s cock. Spike wondered muzzily when he’d gotten hard. “Now I want you to make a sign of affection, and just so we’re clear, I mean kiss one another. On the lips. At least three seconds of contact. Okay? Can you do that for me?”

Illyria looked less interested, but Spike was more than ready for a little lip action. Her cool blue lips parted and softened against his, tasting sweet and human and soft.

“Goood.” Eros nibbled on Spike’s ear. Somehow they all ended up on one of the love seats, though now it was larger, a comfortable bed for three. Eros had more under his toga than an enormous cock, because suddenly everyone’s clothes were gone, and Illyria didn’t even bat an eye. Her color was darkening as it did when she was turned on.

Spike’s last coherent thought, as Eros slipped behind him, lips locked with Illyria while his fingers did expert things between his arse-cheeks, was that maybe doing business with gods wasn’t such a dangerous deal, after all. Not when you’re hot. Illyria was opening in front of him like a flower, relaxing and filling the room with her warm, slippery scent.

Spike’s last semi-coherent thought, of course, was, “HOLY!” as Eros breached him. He didn't notice Eros begin to glow with the power of his proper worship.

Nor did he hear Eros whisper seductively in Illyria's ear, "Never let the pets know they're pets."

Illyria herself was in no mood to disagree with anything. Even gods were susceptible to Loves' magic.


End file.
